Retribution X On holiday!
by Anything but ordinary3
Summary: Some swearing! Would you trust Scott hating emotional teenagers on a cruise (with the forementioned anally retentive leader of the X-men)? Guess what... Prof X did... Its finished!!
1. God bless St Xavier!

**Disclaimer: I own not, you sue not!!**

Hello, I greet you with my new Muse sat at my side (many thanks to NCSGirl though you could have at least housetrained him!). Firstly I would like to thank everyone who makes the effort to read and review it really does help!!

Also thanks to **Oracles Maiden who has made a fab job of doing ****Mels** POV!! **And also for the constant support, badgering, advice and ideas!! It really helps, I hope I do ya proud in #12! **Check out Oracles Maiden's new X-Men fanfic it really is brilliant!!****

**NcsGirl****For you constant support, ideas and generosity!! You reviews keep me laughing!! Oh and keep up your brilliant work!!**

**Red Haired She Devil **for your great ideas (as witnessed in this by Hank's crab talk!)

**ZilentZombie**** for your constructive critism and generous reviews!! I have tried to sort out my punctuation stuff as you pointed out, it's just I get terribally bored proof reading my own work (and it shows)!! Like NCSGirl your reviews have me in stitches!**

**DarktheDestroyer**** thanks for a) returning to the fold b)taking the time to review!**

** Xx-Disturbed-xX  **thanks for taking the time to read Retribution X! Oh and what do you think happened to Kat? I left it open ended cause a) I wanted readers to draw own conclusions b) I didn't really wanna write anymore at that time!!

Thank you also all for reading I hope you enjoy this I know its quite long but it is my favourite one!! Let me know what you think and which one is your fav!!

So without further ado please read, review and enjoy:

**Retribution X: an anniversary, new uniforms and a holiday!**

**Retribution X in debate**

"Well we should definitely do something!" she said taking a bite out of her apple

"Why?" I asked Jubilee

"Because it's our first anniversary of being an official team!" Jubilee exclaimed

"That's not really a good enough reason and I'm not letting any of you drink after Halloween and my returning party! I still can't get the smell of the Summers bathroom off of me!" I glowered at them

"You can't stop us!" Jubilee said getting up from her chair, a movement that I mirrored glowering at her across the table.

ZZzzz I charged my hands "You wanna bet sad act?!"

"Girl's Girls settle down!" Mel said pulling Jubilee back down to sitting position.

"Firstly girl's before we plan anything hadn't we better find out what funds the Professor's going to cough up for the occasion" Ev pointed out in her quiet manner.

Sometimes I felt that we were a bad influence on Evelyn and Melody, only a year ago they had been so prim and proper against the sins of alcohol and now….hell they were as bad as the rest of us!

"Gal's you know thing's are bad when I'm the voice of reason, but I actually agree with Ev on this" Kat said seriously, however she would have been taken a lot more seriously if she hadn't said it while wearing her dog tags on top of her ears and hooked over her nose.

"Okay any volunteers?" I said looking around the table which had no raised hands "Okay do I have to delegate?" Kat shoved Evelyn's hand up in the air "Don't all rush at once ladies…" I sighed it was useless I was never going to be able to sell Xavier as a good looking hunk "…Okay we'll all go together safety in numbers and all that!"

**In the Professors study**

"But I've already brought you you're anniversary gifts!" Every ones eyes glazed over, it was going to be Shakespeare or Dickens…always bloody Dickens

The Professor indicated for someone to step out of the shadows

"ARGH! IT'S A MONKEY BUTLER!" Kat yelled attaching herself to Jubilee's arm and cowering slightly

"No Kat that's Beast!" Jubes soothed her in the way one would an annoying puppy

"Beast would you fetch the parcels from the cupboard over there?" The Professor asked politely

"I would be honoured"

"Brown noser!" I said through the side of my mouth to Mel who giggled

"Professor what's a brown noser?" Kat asked innocently before I slapped upside the head. "Owww! She said looking around for the source of her pain before sending a small flame at a fly harmlessly buzzing around the room whom she suspected to be the culprit. 

Unfortunately she missed and set one of the paintings on his wall on fire, Ev quickly squirted it with water to put the flame out before Prof X noticed. However there was a floor to this plan too: the painting was a water colour, and alas the paint ran into a sad multi-coloured puddle - oops. 

            Beast walked over with 5 brown paper parcels tied with string. It was quiet exciting I must admit, it was something to do with the brown paper and string. Despite my excitement I looked at the package suspiciously as if it contained a bomb, Mel held hers loosely by corner as if it was contagious. Kat had begun to open her package eagerly enough but was held up by the string, I looked at my package and began to unwrap it neatly. I held up it's contents a leather jacket decorated with  buckles and belts giving it a biker like appearance and if the instructions had been followed it was reinforced with Kevlar. It had the X symbol on each shoulder and had quite a high collar. I also received a pair of black baggy jeans that were faded in the front and a pair of combat boots (which every one received). I was quite ironic I thought how I was called _white _lightning yet I possessed a _black _uniform.

I smiled thanks at the Professor who quirked an eyebrow "I hope they all meet your requirements, you have been badgering me to get you uniforms for long enough and I thought your anniversary month would be the idle time in which to give them to you!"

I looked at the others: Kat held up the heavily feathered yeti like costume she had ordered, she was so pleased she hugged it to her and began to lift the hem of her t-shirt.

"Ummm…Kat I feel I'm not speaking for myself when I say I feel no urge to see your pot belly, so please go somewhere else to change into it!" I ordered

She shot up ran to the door seemed like she had forgotten something ran back and kissed the Prof on the cheek before realising what she was doing then began to splutter and wipe her tongue against her feathered costume as a way to clean it. Unfortunately (or the opposite) her mouth was then left full of feathers as she ran out of the room. 

Melody showed me her new figure hugging black leather cat suit (again reinforced with Kevlar and of a style not uncommon within the X-Women) which would look both seductive and fashionable (especially when coupled with the chunky belt bearing the coveted X symbol) while accentuating her curves.

Evelyn's costume was of a cerulean airy fabric not unfamiliar to the sheerness of voile, this however covered a black tank top which bore the symbol in the centre of its chest and I assumed would be reinforced with Kevlar.

Jubilees new costume was, you guessed it, yellow and not un-similar to Mel's in style, however she had a face covering like Gambits (okay so not exactly a face covering but you get the gist of it). Personally this wasn't to my taste it was too…um…_yellow!_

At least we wouldn't look like interfering civilians anymore, but it was a bummer that we knew we'd be pushing it if we asked for a party, well not for me but for the others.

**Back in our wing**

We all stood in the living room showing off our new battle garb. 

"Jeez Mel we ain't trying to make them drown in their own drool!" I said looking at the costume that seemed to fit too bloody well…damn her and her good looks and perfectly proportioned body, no matter what I did or wore I'd still only be a midget…sorry vertically challenged.

I laughed at Kats proud expression but I think I must have been going soft in my old age because I just didn't have the heart to point out that she looked like emu after being put thought a mincer.

"Ya ain't plannin' ta render me colour blind are ya darlin'?" Wolverine asked Jubes leaning against the living kitchen door frame.

Jubilee glowered at him.

Kat had got her zipper stuck in her feathers so she walked around in circles to try and get at it, so I walked over to try and un-jam it. Kat however got impatient and set her hands alight resulting with her whole outfit going up in flames. Ev once again saved the day by drenching her with water. I looked heaven ward, god would I never be safe from the living nightmare that is … _Kat!!_

"When ya gonna get in your costume Sparky?" Wolverine asked me eyebrow cocked

I shot him what I hoped was a withering look, before tucking my dog tags in under my jacket.

Wolverine got up to return to his scour of the fridge (which I hoped would prove fruitless because it would save me running the gauntlet of raiding the Brady Bunches fridge).

I sighed glad he was gone and announced quietly that "Captain Canada has left the room!" 

"I heard that bub!"

Damn his sensitive hearing I thought bitterly shaking my fist at the ceiling (a habit I have recently got into causing weird looks from anyone but the girls).

**The next day in the Professors study**

"What?!" We yelled in unison

"I for one refuse to work at all on our anniversary month!" Jubes said crossing her arms

"Jubes that's going too far, but to not let us have even a day off is a bit harsh Professor!" I said trying to hark back to the negotiation classes that we had had with Beast (Wolverine hadn't been allowed to teach us that, something about his idea of negotiation being to slice n dice people had been mentioned).

The professor burst out laughing

"What is so funny about our distress?" Mel asked bottom lip stuck out like a shelf

I merely stood mouth agape I had never seen the Professor laugh before…it was…well to be completely honest …gross you could see all of the food in his teeth.

"Well this..." he waved his hand "has all been a joke...it was Scott's idea actually…"

"That would explain why it isn't funny then!" I muttered out of the corner of my mouth I saw Wolverine smirk besides Jubilee (he too had been summoned).

"…you see you think we wouldn't celebrate your 1st anniversary as a team when really we've organised for all 6 of you to go on a cruise to Hawaii!"

"I love you Professor Xavier!" Jubes squealed in a very un-Jubes like manner as she threw her arms around him.

I looked at him suspiciously "What's the catch?"

"None, except that you can each choose to take an X-man with you!"

"Bagsy Gumbo!" Wolverine shouted 

I glowered at him I had wanted to take my alcohol supplier "Since when did you say bagsy?"  I sneered at him

"Since now!" Snickt

"Fair enough!" I gulped looking at the claws being waved in my face

"I would advise you think seriously about who you're going to take…" the Professor cautioned "…you must decide which one's you feel deserve a break not which one's you like!"

We walked out of his office

"TO HELL WITH THAT!" We all screamed in unison before running for the debating table

**The debating table an hour later.******

"Right Wolvies taking our alcohol supply! So that leaves us with a free rein with who else to ask!"

"I'll take Gambit!" Kat announced this was her 20th outburst on who she was going to take with her. Her choices differed but always came back to Gambit eventually, and then we would have to explain to her Gambit was already spoken for she'd sob and then the whole vicious circle would be repeated.

Debates always took it out of us (especially when Kat was involved) we were now incredibly hot and sticky with sweat, but we had only decided that we would avoid all sushi.

"I'll take Kurt he will defiantly be an ally" Mel said

We all shot our heads round to look at her with raised eyebrows

"What?! He would!"

"What about ol' blue boy?" I asked

"I said I'd take Kurt!"

"Jeez you've got Kurt on the brain I meant the other blue boy! Dr McCoy!!" 

The table fell silent as we watched Mel do that nervous, indecisive jig peculiar to her. 

"What's wrong?!" I asked irritably

"I don't think taking Kurt's such a good idea after all…" she said indecisively 

"I'll take the lil' cutesy…" Kat said looking up from the yoghurt pot that had been occupying her for the last hour.  

"Please Kat don't…"

"Too late!" Kat sang just before the yoghurt pot got stuck to the outside of her cheek resulting in the helpless flailing of limbs.

Jubes flicked the pot off of her cheek for her when she saw a safe gap in the limbs.

"Let's go around the table and reveal who we want to take! It's going to be easier then assessing each person in the mansion or we'll be here forever!" I said "so we know who Mel and Kat want to take-Beast and Kurt" I summed up "I will take Scott"

Everyone looked at me 

Jubes finally spoke up "You hate Scott and all he stands for though!"

"I know but it sure would piss Wolverine off and bedside's who else are we going to pull pranks on?"

"Good point!"

"I'll take Scott!!" Kat yelled

"But you just said…"

"I am aware of what I just said!" Kat said briskly

"Okay Ev you go next" 

"Ummm...Professor X!"

"I'll take the Professor!" Kat yelled

"But you just said…"

"To hell with what I just said that was over an hour ago!"

"Well…technically Kat that was 10 seconds ago!"

"Ohh look there goes Mel using her brain again!" Kat said in the voice you use when speaking to babies

"Look will you just decide who the bloody hell you are taking?!" I was losing patience now, the football…sorry am in America…soccer would kick off any minute

"I'll take Kurt then!" Ev helpfully offered

"Kurt…yes definitely Kurt I'll take Kurt!" Kat yelled

"Bloody hell it ain't an auction!" I said as she raised her hand

**An hour later**

"Right I'll take Scott, Jubes your taking Jean, that's the victims sorted! Ev's taking the Professor because she couldn't think of anyone else; Mel's taking Beast and Kat's taking Kurt! That's sorted then! Debate adjourned!" I said relieved the whole ordeal was over. "Unbind Kat!" I ordered as much as I didn't want to

Suddenly Jubes hand flew to her mouth "What about Bobby?"

"Oh no Bobby!" Kat said crestfallen 

I knew what was coming Zzzzz

"Oh well he's young he'll get over it!" She said perking up 

"I thought so!" I muttered.

**Remember to not review is a sin, like eating weetabix without suger!!**


	2. Battles!

**Ready for departure**

"Gee it was awful kind of you to pick me you know Ashley!" Scott gushed

"You won't be saying that when we get back!" I murmured under my breath

"Right everyone bag's into the X-Van!" Professor X instructed

"Wait…for…me!" Kat puffed lugging her suitcases down the stairs

I handed my small light suitcase to Scott to take to the Van and went to give Kat a hand with her larger suitcase.

"Jesus! What have you got in here? A baby elephant?" I asked

Kat just giggled foolishly.

Wolverine walked past "No it's Bobby Drake!" he said sniffing

"KAT?!"

"What?!" 

**Onboard the liner**

I walked around the taking in the scent of the sea breeze, everything was so fresh, unaffected on the ocean it was great. I walked around to the back to see if there were any dolphins following us. I peered over the side and down into the clear blue sea, I looked forward the sea breeze caressing my face. Were ocean liners meant to pull small red dinghies? I looked closer squinting against the sun someone was clinging onto the dingy for dear life…looking even closer I realized that it was Bobby Drake, who grinned inanely at me when he saw me.

I groaned. "Bobby what are you doing here?"

Bobby let go of the dingy to cup a hand to his ear but he seemed to have forgotten he was meant to be clinging to the dingy for dear sweet life and he disappeared under the waves. I peered down to see if I could see him. Oppsie Bobby drowned! Kat wasn't going to be happy.

Just as I went to walk to the bar where we were all going to meet, I heard some one land behind me.

"Oh so you're alive the?" I couldn't help keep the regret from my voice.

I looked at the tower of ice he had raised himself out of the water on

 "Impressive" I complimented "but you do realise that you are going to have to share a room with Wolverine, Hank, Xavier, Kurt, Gambit or Scott and Jean!"

Bobby slapped his head "I knew I should have stayed at home!"

**In the bar**

Jubes, Kat, Bobby and I stood in a line behind were Gambit had started to chat up a woman sat at the bar.

_"He's a smooth operator…_

_hee'ss__ a smooth operator…"_

We crooned loud enough for both him and his date to hear.

"Why don't da petites go annoy someone else" he asked us

"But what about Rogue Gambit?" Bobby asked innocently as the rest of us continued to sing.

"Who's Rogue?" The blonde asked

"Oh it's Gambit's wife and the mother of his children!" Jubes lied mischievously.

"Well I never…!" the 'eye candy' got up and slapped Gambit across the cheek "Get a life you wanker!" She screamed as she walked from the room

Gambit reached inside his coat…

Gulp "RUN!!!"

**Cowering under Hanks arm**

"Thanks Hank don't worry Gumbo will calm down in a little while and then we'll quite literally get out of your fur!" Jubes said peeping out from Hanks vast fur.

"So who's Bobby sleeping with?" I asked 

"We are yet to decide that" Hank said glowering at Scott and Jean "It's seems that _they get special dispensation" _

"Why's that?" Kat asked innocently

"Because they may want to participate in activities in which Bobby would not be able to be included or even want to be!" I said wisely

"No…" Hank corrected "…it's because Scott wiggled his bum"

**5 minutes later**

Kat held out the straws, all the males took one and looked apprehensively at each others straws. 

"Mine's long it can't be me!" Xavier said with a whoop of delight 

"So's mine!" Wolverine looked relieved

"…and mine"

"Same here"

"Ditto"

"Hang on let me look at them!" Evelyn said looking at the straws that were held in various size, shape and colour of hands "Kat!? Did you actually cut one shorter then the others?"

"Where's the fun in that?" Kat said scratching her head in way that resembled a chimpanzee

**A minute later**

I looked at Wolverines fist and compared it to Hanks clenched paw; this was going to be tight. I wouldn't want to fight it out with either of them two.

"Okay!" I said holing up a greying sock that was to act as a referee's flag "I want a clean fight okay, no use of powers or smashing of skulls you got that?"

Both competitors nodded

"Okay bow to the judge…" they did so "…bow to each other" again they did so

'It'll be fun when it's Xavier's turn!' I thought wickedly 

"Okay on the count of three…one…two…three! Go!" I said waving the sock

"Rock paper scissors!" They cried in unison 

"…And the loser is….Wolverine!" I said waving the 'flag again'

"Bloody scissors blunted by friggin' rock!" Wolverine grumbled getting ready for the next round against Xavier and Kurt who had both lost to Gambit.

"Round three then people, it's the final and contestant number one is over all loser and general pain in the butt WOOOOLLLVVERINE!…..Let's have a round of applause for the hairy little guy" I urged our captive audience (quite literally Kat had bound various members of the crew to chairs, tables and Gambit's legs). 

"Let's hear a warm welcome for the cool fuzzy blue dude who is challenging Wolverines title as arsehole extraordinaire….Kurt Wagner come on down!!" Thank god I was the referee or else I would have been in serious danger of being sliced and diced.

The room was filled with Boo's it seems everyone had heard of his treatment of Mel! 

"Your reputation precedes you I see!" I commented before proceeding

"…And last and by all mean's least, is a wheel chair bound hypocrite with a head often used as a fortune tellers crystal ball it's Charleeesssss Xavier!"

"Okay you know the drill, bow…." They did so then automatically turned to me and bowed "Wow! We could house train you next!" I sneered raising my 'flag'

"On the count of three…one two….THREE!"

"Rock, paper, scissors!" They all yelled

"Paper covers rock!" The Professor yelled excited

"Scissors cut paper!" Wolverine growled

"Rock smashes scissors!" Kurt put in

"Okay, okay a three way tie it will be judge's decision based on the performance of the competitors…" I informed the crowd "…Judges over here!"

We huddled together and began frantic whispering

"HOLD UP!! HOOOLLLD UP!" I yelled "Professor Xavier get out of our heads or you shall automatically be announced loser!"

The professor blushed and slumped his shoulders forward.

I returned to the judging panel (i.e. everyone but the competitors and Bobby).

**A minute later-the judge's decision**

"Okay we have reached our verdict." I said waving the smelly sock to grab people's attention "We have taken into account Professor Xavier's cheating and have decided that…."

I paused to maximise the tension

"Kurt Wagner will you please step forward…" Wolverine and Professor X let out relived sighs "…the judges have decided you will…NOT have to share your room with Iceman!"

"Wahoo! In your face baldy! In your face…" snickt "…never mind!" Kurt yelled doing a happy dance

"Wolverine the judges have ruled that…" a smirk spread across his face "…it will be you who has to share his personal space with Bobby Drake!" His face dropped and creased in anger "Our commiserations…" I grabbed my fellow judges arms "…run you fools!" I breathed  

**On the deck sun bathing**

I started sunbathing and reading my copy of 'Jane Eyre' happily enough but the whole situation soon turned to tragedy.

"Is this sun bed taken?" Came a sugary voice

"Yes Jean it is" I told her not even looking up from my book and not even offering an explanation, other then I disliked the goody three shoes!

"I've brought ice cream!" 

Damn her tempting me with luscious cold snacks whilst in a searing tropical climate. I looked up, in front of me she held an ice cream and an ice lolly, I took the ice lolly and began to suck while indicating for her to sit down.

We sat in silence for a few minutes which suited me fine, however Jean soon began shrieking.

"What is it?" I snapped my head up expecting a streaker

"I just spilt some ice cream on my stomach!" Jean giggled wiping it off

I felt something cold hit my stomach too "Hey I've just done the same thing!"

"Umm…Ash you're not eating ice cream…but that sea gull up there sure looks proud of its self!"

'Damn you Jean Grey-Summers!' I thought shaking my fist at the sky

"Why are you doing that?" Jean asked puzzled 

I didn't bother answering I just glowered. 

**Later…**

"Professor, oh professor!" Jubes sang out loud enough for the old man to hear.

The Professor hovered over in his hover chair.

"Will you play skittles with me?" She asked with a winning grin

"Of course I will Jubilation!"

"Skittles?!" Came Scott's amused voice; we did the only thing we could do and looked in the other direction.

We sat and watched as Jubilee, Ev and the Professor played skittles, unfortunately however it wasn't long before Jubes got bored. To combat her boredom Jubilee threw her skittle ball in the air and caught it however after the third time she missed it and it crashed down with a thud on the smooth shiny surface that was Xavier's head. The Professor slumped forward in his chair causing the hover chair to dart, at the dangerously high speed of 4 miles an hour, towards the railings.

"Don't worry he'll be fine the railings will stop him going in to the water!" Jubes comforted Scott rubbing his back

However as the hover chair hit the railings the Professor's unconscious body catapulted out of the chair and over the railings and with a plop into the sea.

"Its better this way" I said to a sobbing Jean Grey-Summers "He died for the cause, now we will always remember him this way not as a withered up, bald old man who dribbles…" I thought for a moment "Oh wait that is exactly how we're going to remember him" I shrugged

Beast peered over the edge staring at the Professors floating body getting left behind

"Do something Beast!" Jean urged

"And get my fur wet you must be joking!" Beast said

"Never fear damsel I shall save our sexy little friend!" Scott said jumping over board

Jubilee grinned "This day is getting better and better!"

**2 minutes later**

Unfortunately Scott and the Professor both returned from their…er…swim very wet and very angry…okay so the Professor was angry and Scott gazed longingly at his bald headed 'friend'.

**Hope you enjoyed! Now review! Muse cracks his whip! Dooo it!**


	3. Attack of the dreaded Conscience!

**Ok a short chapter before the next chapter (written by Oracles maiden) which I think NCSGirl is really going to enjoy! Kurt Muse does a funky lil dance**

**In the bar**

Many members of the X-clan were a little worse for wear due to the immense alcohol intake of the evening (in fact the only one anywhere near soberville was Wolverine and that was only down to his healing factor!) We sat at a table big enough to fit the huge egos of Scott, Jean and Xavier. The group was participating in various activities ranging from singing (Kat) to chatting up the waitress (Remy).

"Well it is my personal opinion that in the event of a fight Captain America would wipe the floor with…" I dipped my drunken voice "…Captain Canada" However I forgot I was not drawing his attention to me and pointed in his face, I also forgot about his good hearing.

"Really but Elvis sure has some pretty mean claws!" Evelyn put in, in as louder voice as she could muster.

"Grrrrrr!" Wolverine growled

"Ahhh, Scuzzlebutt!" Kat screamed ducking under the table hands on head

"No that was Wolverine not Sabretooth…." Ev soothed

"Close enough!" Kat said rocking

"Smell's just as bad!" I laughed before looking at the murderous glare I was getting from the Canuck "…or not!"

He continued to looked at me while puffing on his cigar, he had a curious look in his eye, he looked like he was enjoying something then I realised… he was plotting my murder.

"Gambit goin' ta speak ta da belle over dere!" Remy said, getting up and walking over to the barmaid.

Wolverine was still looking at me; I shifted my chair back a bit glancing at him.

Hank scooted seats to sit where Gambit had been positioned. He peered at us.

"You see the thing about crabs is…" the blue mutant began "….that they can only go side ways…."

"No shit Sherlock!" I laughed

He ignored me carrying on with a finger held aloft "…and the thing about Professor Xavier is he can only go backwards and forwards, so it occurs to me that if we were to breed the two together we would get a master race of crabs that could go sideways _and _forwards and backwards!"

He paused watching to see if the implications of his genius was getting across

"And then…." He continued excitedly "…they could take over the world and we could be their slaves!"

I loved it when Dr McCoy got drunk, one day I really would have to record one his conversations to play back to him when he's sober.

"I shall demonstrate!" he said indicating Kat and Bobby to their feet "Right Kat you're the crab, Bobby your Xavier and me…" He grinned a triumphant and toothy grin "…I'm super crab!....No Bobby you don't have to shave your head!" He placed one each side of him "Kat can only go from side to side…" He pushed a drunken Kat from side to side "…and Bobby can only go backwards and forwards…" Bobby demonstrated making helpful hover chair sound effects "…but I can do this!" Hank squatted down on his haunches and covered his head with his hands and began creeping along in all directions while keeping up his crab pose.

"Come on people give the man a hand!" Jubes giggled clapping and wolf whistling loudly

Hank bowed and reclaimed his seat.

"Good one blue!!" I said slapping him on his Hawaii shirt clad back

"I think it's time Karaoke!" Kat announced as the table groaned

"Do not do Gloria Gaynor!" I said through gritted teeth

"Okay!" She said making her way to the stage and was it my imagination or did she blow a kiss to Bobby Drake…what is this? A love boat?

_"When you're alone and life is making you lonely,_

_You can always go…."_

As she did on Halloween Kat held the Microphone out for audience participation but the only one to sing _"Down town" _back at her was the Drakester.

"It must be love!" Jubes said 

"Talking of love get a load of yer man over there!" I said to Mel who had been silent for the majority of the evening

We all looked as Kurt flirted with the waitress/barmaid that Remy had had his eye on.

"Aww bless look at the drunken Cajun, all by himself at the bar!" Jubes cooed

"I'll go over and see if he's alright!" I was glad to get away from Wolverine and the strange looks he kept giving me.

"It was you wasn't it!?" The Cajun accused poking me

"What!" suddenly Wolverines funny looks seemed mighty enticing

"You! You stole my tequila didn't you Kat! I thought dat Gambit was da thief eya not you!"

"Remy: 1) I'm Ash not Kat and 2) is that the missing tequila in your hand?" 

"Humph! Smart arse!"

The ginger Satan had finally stopped singing and sat down with the icicle. I just sat glowering at various members of the table since my main target had gone to visit the Cajun. 

"I know what's the stupidest thing you've ever done?" Bobby said clapping his hands with glee.

"May I go first?" Hank asked with a hint of a slur "I decided it would be good idea to shave all of my fur off, however 7 razors later I had only managed to shave of the fur on my face…let me tell you it wasn't a pretty sight I looked like a skinned rabbit at Easter!"

What the hell did Easter have to do with anything?!

"Okay the stupidest thing that I did was eat a slug and then because the slug might kill me I ate a bird and then I remembered that the bird could kill me too so then I had to try and eat a cat but I couldn't but…." Bobby looked proud "…I did get a pretty mean fur ball!!" Then he whispered "Do you know what the experience taught me?"

We waited patiently before he carried on sagely glancing at Kat "…you should _never try eating anything bigger then your head. Not whole anyway!" He sat back and folded his arms before his chair tipped backwards resulting with him sat on the floor with a bump on his head._

The dick stood up in fearless leader stance "My name is Scott Summers and the biggest mistake I ever made was…." We all groaned as Jeannie giggled "not marrying this lovely sweet wonderful woman earlier"

I looked around and saw the freshly returned Ashley making gagging gestures; I kept up my end by smirking

Jeannie and ol' one eye than began mauling each other I let out a disgusted snort.

"The stupidest thing that I've ever done is agree to come on the 'holiday'!" I growled

Kat began giggling "Do you know the funniest thing that we've ever done?" She looked around at everyone who just blinked "It was when me, Beastie boy, clawed freak and one eye gave blue boy that dating advice!"

"What?!" 

I made a move to kill the bloody brat. 

Kat giggled "It was hilarious and Mel had no idea!"

I had a strange feeling in my stomach, a feeling I'd never had before could it be _guilt? _Hell I have a conscious after all that's one bet that Nick Fury's lost!!

**Come on and feed a small starving blue muse, leave a review! Remember a muse is for life, not just for Christmas!**


	4. Revalations!

**Ok quite a long chapter but I thought that you'd all like Mel's pov in one chapter! This ones courtesy of Oracles Maiden! **

"He… you…? How…" I gasped like a fish for oxygen, not comprehending what the drunken (but one) morons were telling me.

            "We helped Kurt with your date." Slurred Kat, a cocktail umbrella in her hair. "course he didn't follow all the instructions we gave him… I suggested he dye his hair pink but he didn't. I think that's why it didn't work out."

            "It didn't work out because he was dressed as a pimp, kept trying to put the moves on me and spent most of the evening under the table looking up my skirt!"

            "Ahh," Kat smiled back at me, holding up a finger that she was involuntary waving at me, "But he wasn't see. He was looking at his own lap see, 'cause he couldn't remember all the things we'd told him, see. So he made some cards with all the things on, and hid them under the table, see?" She smiled proudly and Beast gave her a short round of applause. However I had turned a bright shade of red. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. You see normally this kind of information would be passed along in private, hushed tones a couple of 'You just got it wrong' Mel's afterwards to reassure, make me feel better. But not now and never in Kats life would she have done that. She had just screamed it without realising in the middle of the ships lounge. All the fancy passengers were staring in my direction, a couple of the younger- I guessed honeymooning- couples were breaking into fits of badly disguised giggles. 

            And then the lump appeared in my throat and the sting of tears were at the corner of my eyes. I'm made a fool of myself… my friends had made a mockery of my life. The man I loved couldn't look at me, didn't care for me, I'd made a living hell from his life. And for what? My friends, and complete strangers enjoyment. What had I done…

            Logan stood up seeing the state I was getting in, "Kid you alright?"

            I didn't answer just listened to the whispers and giggles filling the room, even the terrible lounge singer/drag act had stopped his/her set to stare and point…

            I had to get out of there. 

            I pushed past two waiters who were sniggering to each other… "She can't even sort out her love life…" I thought I heard one of them say. 

            I continued running, not caring anymore about the people turning to look at the mad woman pushing her way through them in tears. I didn't care; I just kept running till I reached the landing to all of our suites. There on the wall stood a floor length mirror, and her own reflection staring back at her. Blonde hair falling in elegant waves, dress perfect… eyes puffy and red, Lip trembling. I was a mess.

            And then I saw it out of the corner of my eye… the cause of all my sadness and anger. My dog-tags, the symbol of my friendship and my devotion to my team. A team that had spat on my life… a team that didn't care about what they'd done… I was a joke. 

            I reached up and pulled them from my neck, throwing them to the floor. I didn't want to be part of this team anymore!!

            Then behind me I heard three girls' drunken giggles. Ash, Ev and Jubes slowly staggering back to their rooms… leaning on each other for support. Support…

            Now they were fumbling for their keys and shhh-ing each other, so I quickly jumped and hid behind a rather large vase of flowers on a pedestal. I leaned forward however just enough to see them so I could tell when they entered their rooms. 

            "Hic did you see that waitress all over Kurt, Boy he's really picked up since he got over Mel... shame she's still obsessing though." Ev said pushing her card into the door, opening it… and collapsing over the threshold, unconscious and snoring loudly. Jubes started to giggle… and couldn't stop so she let herself in and closed the door behind her… her giggling still audible.

            Ash however wandered over, still giggling, to kick Ev's legs into her room far enough to close the door behind her. He foot became entangled in my discarded tags. She reached down… trying to hook them off, lost balance and went crashing to the floor… 

            "Heee Heee" She laughed.

            "Whats up?" Came Jubes Voice through the paper-thin wall.

            "I fell over" Giggled Ash. So Jubes continued Laughing. 

            Now Ash turned her attention to the cause of her being on the floor. She turned my tags over in her hand and put them right up against her face…

            "Damn You letters stop moving!" She instructed the tag. 

            "Hee hee" Came from Jubes room. 

            "Ok you can shut up with the giggling now Jubes, its wearing a little thin." This just resulted in more laughing. 

            She again turned to the dog tags and read them aloud… "Tantalus mutant no 17889 Retribution X" She looked proud of herself then knocked on Jubes' wall and shouted "Hey firecracker… there's more mutants on board… and they have the same team name as us… and theirs one with mels codename… ohh wait a minute…" She looked even prouder and knocked loudly again on Jubes' wall "Jubes… I've found Mels Tags and they aren't around her neck like normal!!!" No sound came back from Jubes's room for a second "Jubes you asleep?" then suddenly more high-pitched giggling.

            Ash put my tags in her pocket and then went to get up before giving up entirely and settling on the floor when she found that one) gravity was a constant no matter how much you flapped your arms and two) that alcohol did serious things to your balance and when that happened you shouldn't proclaim yourself to be the worlds great ballerina, start to dance the nutcracker and fall and bang your head on the side of a pedestal holding a vase of flowers that your friend was hiding directly behind…

            "Owwch that looked like it hurt…" I said not thinking. 

            Ash looked up at me… drunken eyes focusing… then she started to laugh… not her drunken giggle with Jubes but Her belly laugh when she found something truly amusing…

            "Hey Jubes Mel's out here and she looks like a spaz!!" Then she continued laughing… and Jubes joined in with her fevered giggles, she stopped only to burp and then resumed. 

            Whatever thoughts I'd had in my head were now gone… all hope, all trust everything was gone. I was a shell with no crab. I was empty. There was nothing left to do…

Ok so a woman in a long blue dress crying her eyes out and panting sobs was drawing more attention to myself than I usually liked but hell I really honest to god didn't care at that moment. Hell I didn't care about anything anymore… if Kurt had leapt out of the shadows professing undying love… actually that would have stopped me. But he didn't so I kept running. 

            In the distance before me I saw a man in a hover wheelchair looking over the rail… another man with him. As I neared them however I realised I'd made an error… it was the professor and Jean. I kept running however, I didn't stop when Jean looked at me like I was something she'd scrapped off the bottom of her shoes… "Oh Mel, what's wrong?" She said in her most infuriatingly caring voice as I ran towards them… I ran close to them and then past… not looking up…

            "AHHHHHHH" came the professors voice as I heard his chair creak forward, the sound of metal sliding against cloth and a wait of a few seconds before a splash. 

            "Charles!!!" Jean screamed in a pained voice then the sound of ripping material and another wait before another near identical splash. 

            I must have knocked the hover chair… oh well. 

            Finally I reached the back of the boat. Looked about… there was no one. No one was here… oh well, the better for that poor sap. When he'd have piped up that he'd seen me do what I was about to do Wolvie probably would have ripped his throat out because he hadn't stopped me… actually he probably wouldn't have… he wouldn't have cared, he'd have laughed as they pulled my corpse from the water, then suggested a tequila drinking contest.

            I ran to the rail and started to climb up and over hands clutching the top bar when I was over heals catching on the bottom. I looked down tears streaming down my face… the propellers were churning the sea into foam churning everything up. 

            "Don't do it…" came a voice behind me shouted… he didn't sound really like he cared or not. 

            I turned on the rail, trying not to slip or let go. With my hair pulled out behind me by the wind and my dress doing the same I must have looked like Cathy on the moors… searching for Heathcliff… or in my case death.

            "Don't come any closer… or, or I'll jump." I called out not recognising the voice as that of any of my team mates… or their teachers. 

            From the shadows of the warm sunset a man appeared… well man but he looked only about my age, young like me. 

            He had floppy Blonde hair that fell beside his face and flopped over his eyes when the wind took it. Blue eyes, Baby blue. He had a baby's face. He looked like Leo de Caprio in that damn movie about the boat.

            "Why don't you come back in? Come on, Just take my hand and I'll pull you back." He said putting out his hand, now that he could see me better he looked a lot more concerned for my welfare… always because of the beauty. 

            I shook away the help, "No, stay where you are or I'll do it… I'll jump." I closed my eyes as if to prove I was going to. 

            "Liar." The mans voice replied. 

            I opened my eyes, "What did you say?"

"I said liar… your not going to jump, you would have done it by now if you were. You wouldn't have turned around and talked to me if you were actually considering jumping." He said scoffing. 

            I opened my mouth dismayed. "Just go away and let me do this in peace." 

            "Ahhh, but you see I can't. see I'm involved now and I'd feel guilty if I heard you'd jumped. Plus if you did you'd be depriving the world of a beautiful flower if you don't mind me saying so. In fact I might just have to jump in and save you."

            Now I scoffed, "You'd be killed as well."

            "Well I'm quite a good swimmer… I think I could rough it out in there." He said looking over the rail.    

            "The falls enough to kill you." I said shaking my head. 

            "Possibly. I'd be more worried bout the propellers though, that would hurt, chop you into two they would then drag you in again and cut you up even smaller. Not a great way to go… but then again I've seen worse."

            "EEEPPPPPP!!!" I screamed at the thought of being small enough for fishes to eat. 

            The man Laughed… "That's the kind of reaction I always get."

            "Do you hang around a lot of boats then when women try to hurl themselves of the back then?" I asked entranced.

            "This is a first…" He smiled looking deep in my eyes. 

            "What do you do, then?" I asked returning the look.

            "I'm an artist… I tend to sit on boats and see if women don't mind me drawing them sunbathing… sometimes when they don't notice me they'll take their tops off."

            Ok, the magic was gone "Classy" I sighed, disappointed.

            "Yeah…" He was miles away, staring into the distance…. "Oh," He snapped out "Maybe one day a woman of your beauty will let me draw her." 

            "Someday I'm sure one will." I sighed again.

            "My names Jon by the way." He said chearilly. 

            "Mel." I moaned back 

"So Mel, why do you want to jump? Nothing could be that bad."

"I'm a laughing stock! My friends gave this guy I like advise and its completely ruined both my life, his life and my chances of being with him… he'd rather be with anyone than me."  

            "I don't believe that… How could anyone not want to be with you." He smiled and… ohhh I was a puddle at his feet… he'd redeemed himself from his job. 

            He brushed his hair from his eyes. "Look why don't you come down from there, you must be frozen. We can go get a drink, warm you up… and we can talk and whatever's wrong we can try and make better. Is that good for you?"" He said inching closer…

"Yes," I whispered as lips neared mine…

"However its not good for me!!!" A voice came from behind me… where the open air and drop to the sea should have been.  I turned quickly to see my blue Romeo hanging from the flagpole by his tail.  

             "Kurt what are you…?" I felt his arms close round me his head over my shoulder and heard him blow a raspberry at Jon. Then before I knew what was happening… everything was gone. 

            BAMPH

            "Please Kurt I want to come down now please… just let me down…" Another kind of tears were falling from my eyes now, tears of fright and the sting of the wind in my eyes. He'd BAMPH'ed us to the front of the ship where the railings were, slung me over the side and climbed back over himself. I had stood shaking with fear for a moment before making my request… however he didn't look as though he was about to help me down. 

            "NO." He stated… "you're going to stay up there until I can talk you down… now STAY THERE!!" He said before running off into the shadows. I heard him cough clearing his throat then I heard him start to walk back towards me. 

            "MELLY!!!" He screamed, trying to sound surprised, like he hadn't left me here two seconds earlier. "What are you doing over there?" 

            "Why don't you ask the demented German Mutant, who's a strange shade of Indigo, Who put me over here you fruit!!" I screamed back at him…

            "There's no need to shout Melly." He said as he neared me. 

            "No need to shout, no need to shout Kurt! I was about to get down… I was about to go inside to get warm but noooo you decide instead to grab me from the back of the ship and place me at the front of the ship then play these weird head games with me!!!" I shouted, Bemused at what was happening. 

            Kurt however was not. "I wanted to save you." He said bashfully shuffling his feet. "I thought that would make everything all right again… always does in the movies." He looked up… the rapidly decreasing sunlight reflected in his yellow eyes. 

            I couldn't resist softening… he looked so helpless. He looked so sorry. 

            I leaned over the rail toward him… "But what about the waitress? Isn't she going to be telling everyone tomorrow you were the "Best she's ever had"?" I smiled seductively… and Kurt blushed at the memory of what he'd said. 

            "I was trying to make you jealous…"

            I smiled even more. "You were trying to impress me?"

            "And I am truly sorry for everything I did in that restaurant… if I had listened to my heart and not your friends…"

            "You were trying to impress me." I smiled even wider, "No ones tried to impress me before… everyone's used me to impress other people not the other way around. Kurt this is amazing… and I feel so…" I started to climb over the railing towards him but someone had obviously touched the bar when wet… as my high heal slid straight off of the bar and I went first tumbling forward, then, trying to save myself from the metal, pushed myself back and into the clear air in front of the ship.

            Damn Stupid Mel. You start making up with the man you want to be with and then you go and kill yourself through your own stupidity. It could only happen in my life…

            I went falling through the air… I didn't even scream because I felt it was fruitless, what was the point when nothing could be done.

            Then two arms embraced me, strong around my torso. Then a BAMPF and we were no more. 

            We appeared back on the deck, my arms round his neck, his arms round my waist… I was shaking against him… crying again, millions of thoughts running through my mind, a million things I had never said…

            "I'm-so-sorry-I've-treated-you-terribly-can-you-ever-forgive-me-I've-been-a-numb-skull-Please-say-you-love-me-cause-I-love-you-and-i…"

            "What?" Kurt said interrupting my tirade.

            "Which bit?" I asked genuinely confused "The bit about being dumb as a chimp?"

            "No, the bit where you said you loved me?"

            "Oh… that bit!" I said happily before realising exactly what had come out of my mouth. "I… I… Said… I love you?" I said slowly lowering my head in embarrassment.

            "But I thought that you hated me?" Kurt replied shocked. 

            I winced and lifted my head again… "Well yeah… I kinda lied." I tried to brush it off but it didn't work. 

            "You lied." Kurt said, even more confused… "Meaning you do like me?" 

            "Oh yes…" I said nodding vigorously "in fact if you didn't hear me the first time… I love you."

            "Me?" Kurt asked, still confused. 

            "Yes, You." I said starting to get a little bored of the repetitiveness of the conversation. 

            Kurt looked around a little, his field of vision restricted by my arms around his neck. 

            "Kurt do I have to spell it out, do I have to put it like I'd have to with Kat? Do I have to give you the dumbed down idiots version." I left his side and ran at the rails jumping on to them again and grabbing hold of the flag pole at this end for balance and called to the world "I Melody Fields Loves, wants to spend every moment with, adores, Worships, am devoted to in every sense of the word to the one the only Mr Kurt Wagner, the incredible Nightcrawler, The fuzzy blue elf, the demonic one!" I looked down at him delirious with joy "Now do you understand? Now do you get what I'm saying Kurt. I love you. I always have, I always…"

            I was only silenced when the man I was spouting love vows for ran and jumped onto the rail too. He silenced me in a very pleasurable manner too, he kissed me, on the lips. It was heaven… that was until I noticed that the force at which he had thrown himself at me had knocked us both again over the bars. With his eyes shut, Kurt didn't realise we were plunging towards the ocean at an alarming rate. 

            "Kurt!!" I screamed though his lips were plastered over mine. His eyes shot open and he closed his eyes again, BAMPHing us back to the deck. 

            The kiss continued, before he scooped me into his arms… I was shaking again. He started to walk with he scooped against his chest. 

            "Where are we going?" I asked snuggling down against him. 

            "I thought I would take you home, back to your room. You must be tired." He said still walking towards the deck where Retribution X's suites were situated. 

            "Or," a though occurred to me "You could take me back to YOUR room and take advantage of me in my fearful and weakened state."

            "I wouldn't be a gentleman if I did that." 

            "Yes but I wouldn't be a Lady if I didn't repay you for your kindness."

            He looked down at me, "What about that boy back at the railings- the one who really did talk you down? Are you going to repay him too?"

            I smiled another seductive smile "I thought I might thank you instead of him. Give you what was coming to him, but now what's coming to you" 

            He gulped… "I'd feel better if I took you back to your room." 

            "If you take me back to my room then all the girls will hear me rip your clothes off and leap on you. They'll hear you screaming like a little girl for mercy." I said playfully, nuzzling his ear. 

            "Mel have you been Eating Sushi from the Jade room?" He asked looking confused. 

            "No why do you ask?" I said nuzzling again. 

            "Because you certainly don't sound like you normally do."

            I paused "Maybe I'm just a little more assertive, now that I know that you love me… you do love me right?" I asked apprehensively. 

            "Oh course I do melly."

            "And you do want me to love you too don't you?" I asked again.

            "Yes" He replied. 

            "And you do want us to…"    

            He was one step ahead of me.

            "God yes!!!"

            "Tonight?" I asked. 

            He paused. 

            "Yes."

            "And then tomorrow I can join the list of people telling you that you were the best I've ever had…" I said nuzzling again.

            "ohhh" Kurt let out all the air in his body in this little scream of anticipation. With me in his arms he began to run as fast as he could. We reached the windows to the main bar with all our friends in and he didn't even duck… he just avoided the door opening in front of him with a quick deviation as The sound of Barry white drifted out from the karaoke 

"WE GOT IT TOGETHER DID'NT WE  
NOBODY BUT YOU AND ME  
WE GOT IT TOGETHER BABY"

"Barry!!!" I screamed, but looking through the window I realised that it wasn't so much the walrus of Luuurve but the yeti of Luuurve backed up by the dorks of Luuurve, the midgit of Anger and Lord of Alcohol. 

"Barry, that must be the lords blessing!!" Kurt said whooping with delight as he began to salivate, moving even faster. 

When we encountered stairs he Bampfed up them, when there were long corridors he Bampfed to the other end. 

He was running so fast he almost went past his own door. But he slid backwards and pushed the door open in one… he was desperate for the moment he'd been waiting for since valentines day and before that.

He hurled me roughly to the bed and turned to lock the door, so we wouldn't be disturbed till the morn.   

**Phew that was a long one! Please remember we need YOU to read and review! Picture of Kat wearing an ice cream tub as a hat pointing her finger!**


	5. Drunk and disordely!

**Okay this is quite short one for you!  What does Ash get up to while Mel and Kurt are getting it on? Well come and see!**

**Wandering around aimlessly**

I had dropped Ev and Jubes back to their bedrooms and Kat and Bobby were skipping so I was all alone, sorry I was drunk and all alone.

I wandered around the ship like a lost soul. I stopped by the arcade and decided a game of air hockey was in order.

**2 minutes later**

Air hockey was just not as fun when you played it on your own, call me fussy and all that. God these bloody ships were so unstable they move under your feet all the time. I watched as people walked past all evidently fine with the ships movements, it was almost as if it wasn't there.

I began laughing 'Good thing Hank isn't here he'd say it was because I had drunk too much!' I snorted as I laughed and clamped my hand over my nose disgusted by its out burst; surely it could stay out of at least one conversation.

#technically it's not a conversation when you're talking to yourself# Jean said in my head causing me to walk into a wall. 'Bloody perfect in pink bitch' I thought sourly.

'Oh my God I feel sick!!'

I stumbled as fast as I could to the top deck and threw up into the water. Oh well now the dolphins could join in the party and have a little drink I thought as I wiped my mouth on an old tissue that I'd probably already blown my nose on and threw that into the sea too, now they could wipe their mouths when they got sick too!

I looked over the side and wondered if now was a good time for a swim. I decided not.

I spun around as I felt hot breath on my neck that made the little hairs stand up.

"You alright darlin'?"

"What's it to you Cap'?" I asked saluting

He raised an eyebrow; 'oh god!'  I remembered I was by water and looked around worriedly.

"You haven't seen any sea lions with clubs have you?"

Now both eyebrows were raised "No"

"Phew!"

"Gotta go!" I said trying to run but he gripped my upper arms and pulled me back

"What is yer problem with me kid?" He asked

"Nothing you fuzz ball!"

"There's got to be something you're always calling me names and poking fun"

"Awww! Mummy's boy upset by a little girls comments!" I said in a baby voice

Snickt

I ripped from his grip and ran away laughing, hell just call me Daredevil! I hid behind a stack of sun beds and congratulated myself on my ingenuity; he'd never find me here.

I heard a growl.

"Shush I'm hiding!" I told the shadow behind me before gulping "I give up!" I screamed holding my hands above my head where he could see them

'Nice going Daredevil!' My brain taunted me 

I scowled "Shut up brain!" Oopsie did I say that out loud.

"I think you should let me go!" I said quickly

"Whys that?" The man was short, but hell he was still taller then vertically challenged me

  "Because I'm in a highly emotional state due to the sea lions and be sides you'd enjoy hurting me way to much!"

"That's where yer wrong Sparky I ain't gonna enjoy hurtin' you at all!"

"Good so I can go then!" I said perking up

"Yep! Scoot!" 

"Yay! To the bar and away!" I yelled before running off arm outstretched like Superman. God did I blush at that in the morning!!

**Back in the bar 10 minutes later**

I sat in a state of shock, I couldn't believe my eyes and if  Bobby and Kat weren't playing thumb war I would have thought I was in another weird realm. I looked back at the cause of my shock: Hank was singing Barry White, however it wasn't this that particularly shocked and disturbed me it was the fact that he had convinced a drunken (and depressed) Remy and Wolverine (who was sober?!) to do backing! Now I had seen everything!! And the even more worrying thing was they sounded good, who'd have thought we had such talent sat right under our nose?!

**An hour later**

_"Show me the way to go home,_

_I'm tired and I want to go to bed,_

_I had a little drink about an hour ago and I think it's gone to my head!"_

I sang staggering up and down the hallways, lost. I peered through each port hole I approached, repeating the song all the while. I banged on every door I approached and I knew I had strayed to far when the angry inhabitants stopped yelling at me. I approached what my drunken sore little head comprehended to be the lower regions of the ship. I staggered along the halls knocking over a trolley piled with trays.

"Shush!" I over elaborately instructed the trays

I continued my merry little path until I came to a portal that was steamed up, I looked at it puzzled. 'Unusual' I thought the rest of the rooms were unoccupied.

 I jumped backwards as a hand slapped against the window and slid down. Hang on I'd seen this scene somewhere before…and that wrinkled prune like hand. I kicked my drunken brain into thinking…okay the whole steamy window thing was from the 'Titanic' film but that hand certainly wasn't… that hand it was…._PROFESSOR XAVIERS. _I ran, ditty forgotten, trying not to throw up at what I had just seen 'Gross _gross!!" _

I ran and ran and ran…until I bumped into something hard.

"Damn you!" I cursed shaking my fist at the sky

"We really should stop meeting like this!" I heard a familiar and in my drunken state it had to be said….sexy growl.

"Back there….horrible…monster!" I panted

"Hold on hold on Sparky breath, and slow tell me!"

"Can't… must… escape…horror!" I panted looking around, then shaking my head trying to diffuse the disturbing images.

After a few minutes I told him and watched as he walked off in the manner of the shocked people you see trundling around field's aimlessly after being involved in train crashes.

That night I had nightmares, _scary_ nightmares about naked wrinkly flesh!! 

'God! All I ever wanted was a good old cheese dream and you inflicted such pain on me!!' Shakes fist at sky

**Sniffs Do you not love me? Then why aren't you reviewing me?? Remember I don't mind more than one review per person, hell the more the merrier!**


	6. How to piss off a Wolverine!

**Another short one this time Wolverines POV! Hope you enjoy!**

I lay down on my bed trying to fight back the images that Ashley had instilled into my already troubled mind, who'd of thought that Chuck had it in him?

After an hour or so I eventually began to drift to sleep, just as the bedroom door got flung open by a certain Popsicle.

"HELP!" The troubled kid yelled at me

I bolted up from my bed "What's going on?" I asked trying to pull some jeans on (I always slept in the buff and saw no reason to change my habits just because I was sharing a room with an idiot child).

"Has Chuck had a heart attack?" I said following the panic stricken one

"No, why?" The kid asked quest temporarily forgotten

"Doesn't matter, so what's the problem?"

"It's Kat!"

 I sighed, trouble followed that one everywhere.

Bobby continued however, "She's got stuck on the front of the boat and can't move!"

"Ship, Bobby, Ship!" I corrected. Christ I had to be tired, I was turning into Jeannie.

I followed him and looked at the panic stricken pale faced mutant.

"Okay, kid get over here an' stop prattin' about!" I growled menacingly

The kid just gulped and began to twitch.

Snickt "You coming?" I glowered

The kid looked terrified and looked longingly at the water as if it was suddenly a welcome option on how to die, as opposed to facing me that is.

Okay different tactics were needed here. I thought for a moment (a laborious task I know-God now I was acting like Hank!?), before hitting upon my plan. 

"Bobby you get a fishing rod I'll get some bait!" I ordered

"Goody! Fishing!" The kid said scuttling off.

**5 minutes later**

Kat was now half way over the railing's, and so halfway back to safety. It turns out that my plan to ploy her back on board by enticing her with a muffin on the end of a fishing rod was one of sheer genius-even if I do say so myself!

Splat 

The kid fell off of the railings and landed on the relative safety of the deck. 

"Mission accomplished!" Bobby said before shrieking and running towards his 'friend' who was now happily eating the muffin, trauma forgotten.

"Oh no" Bobby said as blood poured from his friends mouth

Damn I knew I was meant to take that hook out of the muffin!!

**An hour later**

I was now making another attempt to sleep, this time however my room mate was keeping me awake as he jumped from his cot to my bed while making plane sounds and announcing every so often:

"I'm Captain America, Good work soldier!" and giving me the thumbs up.

"Don't you ever sleep Drake?" I asked vaguely amused

"No, only every 3 days and I slept last night so…" with that he resumed his leaping

Crash

"You didn't like that vase right?" Came a Captain America voice

"GGGRRRR! Sleep!! NOW!!!" I said pointing to his bed

Bobby hung his head and climbed into his bed.

**10 minutes later**

"Psst! Are you asleep?" I ignored him

Bobby got out of his bed and crept up to me and yelled "Are you asleep?!"

"Jesus! What's with all the yelling?" I asked angrily fighting to control my temper

"Well I just thought given your age you might be hard of hearing!"

Snickt

"I'll go back to bed shall I?" 

"I would bub! I would!"

**Even later…******

"I would put that razor down if ya know what's god for yer bub!" I growled at the menace who was now approaching me wielding a razor 

"I just wanted to see what you looked like bald!" The kid said innocently hiding the razor behind his back

"Give it to me!" I held out a hand.

Bobby approached regretfully and handed the razor to me "Awww man you're no fun!!"

Who'd think that this kid was really 17?

"Well if I bother you so much why don't you go visit Hank?" I suggested thoughtfully

"Oh goodie Hanky?" The boy shrieked diving for the door.

**Half an hour later**

"Hank wasn't in!" The kid announced sadly

"How d'ya know?"

"The voice on the other side of the door told me just before it locked it!"

"What did the voice sound like?"

"Funny you should ask, it reminded me of kinda of cross between Hank and Barry White!"

Hank was still pretending to be Barry White then! God this kid was almost as thick as Kat! 

'Bloody scissors being smashed by friggin' rock!' I cursed for not the first time that night! 

_"I've got chills their multiplying,_

_And I'm losing control,_

_ Coz the power you're supplying,_

_It's electrifying!"_

I put the pillow over my head and groaned.

**Will Drake survive the rest of the trip? Tune into the next chapter to find out (which will come soon if you nice people review!)**

**Come on….review please! Look, look my muse is begging you!! If you don't review we won't post anymore!!**


	7. I spy!

**Ok this is all y'all getting until ZilentZombie garnts me permission to borrow her Captain Canada song!!! So if your reading this ZilentZombie PLEEAASE!!!!**

**At sparrows fart (i.e. Early in the morning!)**

"Damn headache, damn headache, damn headache…" Crash "Damn wall, damn wall, damn wall, damn wall" I snapped my eye's open "Where the hell am I?"

I snapped my eyes open, okay so I was no where near the danger room; I seemed to be on some kind of boat!

I sat on the floor to think. I always got up the same way, eye's clamped shut feel floor for clothes, put clothes on, feel way along wall to door and down to the danger room or the kitchen (depending on the time… so usually the kitchen!) all the while my eyes clamped shut!

I got up remembering something about Superman that caused me to blush and I also remembered that I was on _holiday! _Sweet Jesus I was on HOLIDAY!!

"ARIBA!!!!!" I screamed in my best Spanish accent before clutching my head and curling up into a foetal position. "I am_ never drinking alcohol __ever again!" I swore_

"We've heard that before petite!" Gambit said strolling past, apparently minus a hangover

"Damn you!" I cursed him shaking my fist

Gambit just walked past my slumped body chuckling.

In my experience there is only one way to cure a hang over though, more alcohol. I made my way to the bar earlier oath forgotten.

**The bar**

"What ya doin' here this early?" Said an angry, red and hairy potato which (after much squinting) I made out to be Wolverine

"Hangover!" was the only word I could say 

"They don't serve this early"

"Damn you!" I said shaking my fist at the sky "You're out to thwart me at every turn!" I cursed God

**10 minutes later**

I stared angrily at the hyper active couple running up to old people and offering to count their wrinkles and Wolverine seemed to be doing the same thing but for different reasons.

"Come and join us Ash!" Kat said chirpily, too bloody chirpily

"How the hell do you get away with out getting a hangover?" I asked bitterly

"Well there's three world renowned hangover cures" Kat said knowledgably

I grabbed her by the collar "Tell!"

"Okay sheesh I was just a bout to! The first one is more alcohol!"

"I've tried that!"

"Okay more desperate measures then, there's two more." She held up three fingers "Firstly you could watch countdown" she counted off her finger "…and thirdly you could try licking Dr McCoy's back!"

I eyed her suspiciously "How do you know? Or are you making it up?"

Kat clicked her tongue at me and winked "Let's just call it experience!"

"I think I'd rather have a hangover!" I turned and looked at Wolverine who was shooting murderous glances at Bobby.

"Why you up so early anyway?"

"Let's just say ratfink over there is nocturnal!"

 **Aimlessly wandering**

I wandered down the hall where our 'guests' where sleeping and decided that now would be a good a time as any to sit behind the huge potted plant (it was kinda like a tree!) and clutch my head.

I must have sat there for what seemed like an age, as I went to get up I heard a door open and a girly goody two shoes giggle. Only two people I know giggle like that, and one of them was on the deck sunbathing in as skimpy a bikini as she could find, flirting with Wolverine, so that meant it had to be _Mel! _

I peered around the tree like plant. 

"You're the best I've ever had!" Mel giggled at none other than _Nightcrawler__!!_

They were clinging on to each others hands as if they couldn't bare to be ripped apart for a second. God it was so sweet it was making my teeth rot!

I couldn't help it I began gagging.

"Ash is that you?" Mel asked

I pressed myself against the wall before hiding under the vast foliage of the plant, and when that failed I ran for the deck!

**On the deck**

"You will not…. wheeze believe…cough what I have just splutter seen!" I said sliding to a stop at Gambits feet.

"What is it mon chere!" The Cajun asked worriedly as I attracted quite a crowd (all of the X-folk anyway except…_them)._

"Mel spent the night…" I began

"In the bar" Scott suggested shocked

"No in…." I began again only to be interrupted by Jean

"In the pool and she's really wrinkly?!"

"In…" It was Bobby's turn

"In a dolphin tank?!"

I looked at him puzzled before shaking my head "Seriously what is wrong with you?"

"Spit it out will ya!" Jubes demanded 

"I'm trying!" I snapped "She spent the night with KURT!!"

Ev, Jubes and Kat began screeching and clinging to each other in excitement before Kat stopped and asked "Were they playing twister?"

"No Kat!"

Scott looked disapproving, while Jean looked jealous. I looked at Xavier who looked…well…Xavierish! Wolverine looked quietly happy for them, while Hank was positively grinning (but then he could still have been drunk!).

"Well Gambit happy for dem! Though Gambit wonder what the petite see in him when she could 'ave a real men?" Remy said

"Like who Gumbo?" Wolverine sneered "You?" 

**Remember the best praise an author can get is feed back, so please do review, Pleeassse sniffs!! Don't you love me??******


	8. Auditions!

**Okay another short chapter! The In the X-men song was contributed by Oracles Maiden, so thanks to you again!**

**Also a huge thank you to all who have reviewed, your kind contribution does not go with out notice!!! **

**A few day's later.**

We had seen little of Mel and Kat as they spent most of their time with their respective boyfriends, we didn't miss Kat so much, truth be told it was kind of a relief not having to worry about her, but damn, life seemed different without Mel's goody goodness!

I must say it had gotten lonely, so we were secretly looking for her replacement. Wolverine didn't work out as he got easily annoyed especially when we asked him if we could borrow some Tampax and so failed his audition at the first hurdle (he also kept trying to sell Bobby to other passengers which gave him a minus mark!). Scott had got past this part of the audition, and he also passed on his fit boy watching skills, unfortunately (or not) he failed when we asked him to pull a prank on the Professor. We didn't even bother trying Jean. So now all we had left was Hank and Gumbo! Both of whom were flying through our gruelling regime!

 "Anyone up for Karaoke?" Jubes asked

There was a resounding "Yay!" Among our group.

I however was the only sensible one (or party pooper what ever is easier for you) "You can keep me out of this, guys!"

They all got up and made their way to the stage where the decided to sing 'In the Navy' specifically altered to fit in with the X-men
    
    _There's no joy that measures_
    
    _The real heartfelt pleasure_
    
    _Of destroying __Logan__'s Porno stash_
    
    _Where can you learn to park a jet out of view_
    
    _And piss off a real banshee_
    
    _Where else do the kids fly_
    
    _And not teach you how to drive_
    
    _But you learn to dance the monster mash_
    
    _There isn't any big band_
    
    _And that makes our life's grand_
    
    _When your team another beats_
    
    _In the X men_
    
    _Yes, you can shave off all your hair_
    
    _In the X men_
    
    _Yes, you can get mauled by a bear_
    
    _In the X men_
    
    _Come on now, people, don't you stare_
    
    _In the X men, In the X men_
    
    _you can act like a real man_
    
    _In the X men_
    
    _We all think Kat should be banned_
    
    _From the X men_
    
    _Come on say that you're a fan_
    
    _of the X men_
    
    _Come on people, and make a stand_
    
    _In the X men, In the X men, In the X men (In the X men)_
    
    _X wants you, X wants you_
    
    _X wants you just as a new recruit_
    
    _X wants you, X wants you_
    
    _X wants you just as a new recruit_
    
    _X wants you, X wants you in the X men_
    
    _X wants you, X wants you_
    
    _X wants you just as a new recruit_
    
    _X wants you, but X wants Scott in the bedroom!_

Once they had finished their moving and emotion filled song they came back to the table grinning triumphantly. I sat back easy now that it was just a random C.D being played again. Unfortunately the song was Whitney Houston _"I will always love you" which meant the loved up folk were out in force, dancing their little hearts away._

"D'ya wish to dance mon chere?" Gambit said holding out his hand to me

"I don't dance Gumbo, for a start I don't know how!" I said

"Gambit could teach you!"

"No your alright Gumbo ask Jubes she dieing to be asked!" I said as Jubilee said squirming excitedly

"Come on Beastie boy!" Ev said dragging him to his feet

"You anticipated me my dear!" Hank said allowing Evelyn to drag him along.

I looked around the bar, yuck! Everyone was either loved up (even the Prof was chatting up some leggy blonde) or dancing or in some disgusting cases, both. Scott was dancing with Jean but seemed to be taking an unhealthy interest in the drag performer, while Jean was holding Wolverines eyes with her own over Scott's shoulder, it was positively revolting.

I went to take a sip from my glass only to find it empty and so I grabbed Hanks half drank beer and drained it.

"Why ain't you dancin'?" Sheesh did this guy ever go away?

"Because a) I can't and b) I would be terrible even if I could!" I answered truthfully.

Sickening as the sight was out there I couldn't help but wish that I too could move in perfect synchrony with another body. I was also held back by the almost paralysing fear of looking like an idiot.

"I could teach ya!"

"That's the second offer I've had tonight! But no thanks I don't want to be used just to make Red jealous!" I said moving on to Remy's bottle. 

"Who said you would be?"

"Don't give me that shit! I saw the pair of you; you couldn't tear your eyes away from her!"

"What's wrong darlin'? Jealous?" 

"Don't be ridiculous!" I snorted

Jesus Wolverine was so bloody full of himself.

"As hard as it is to believe, not every female on earth find's you attractive!" I laughed at him.

"Then there wouldn't be no harm in me teaching you ter dance then?" 

"What if I don't want to?" I shot back at him

"I know that you do"

"Christ you really are full of yourself!"

"So how about it? I won't ask again" He said holding out his hand (I had to admit he did have nice hands and after all that's the first thing you look at in a guy! Right?!)

"I'll only stamp on your feet!" I said truthfully

"You can stand on 'em if you like" He looked kind, fatherly almost, "It'll help ya get used to the movement!"

"Is it gonna shut you up if I do?"

"I ain't makin' any promises!"

I allowed him to pull me to my feet and let him position my hands. I was very aware that I probably would never have trusted being this close to any other male (Hank maybe being the other exception), not after…well…yeah that.

"You sure I ain't gonna crush your feet?!" I said hesitantly feeling like an idiot already

"It'll take a lot ta do that Sparky"

"I'm heavier then I look!" I warned he just raised his eyebrows sceptically.

**Remember my poor lil' muse need's food, its abit on the skinny side (is it my fault that he doesn't like the food I feed him?) so please fatten it up and thou shall be rewarded!!**


	9. Hawaii

**They've reached their destination! Finally!! What do they get up to??**

**Hawaii-**** finally**

"Okay so you mean to say Storm was told to book us a hotel…" I recapped "…and because she wasn't invited she thought that she'd be mean and not book us one!"

"Yes that's about the drift of it!" The Professor agreed

"But at least we have your gold card!" Jean said relieved

"Correction I _have _my gold card and considering the amount of swims I had to partake in against my will I feel that you deserve to sleep in the great out doors!" And with that the old man, his hover chair and more importantly his plastic left us on the beach.

"What a complete bastard!" I breathed "Guess what's going to happen to him on the way back?"

"Ho hum, we'll just have to make some shelter!" Mel said cheerfully busying herself by fetching wood.

"Oh well at least Wolvies had training I this kind of thing!" Jubes said relieved

"Yeah but who said I'd help yer!" He grinned evilly "Just remember who got frozen into a chamber of ice, covered in shaving foam and kept from sleeping"

"I told you that we should have made Xavier share with Bobby!" I grumbled at the rest of the group.  
"But Ash it was you who said you'd electrocute anybody who didn't vote for Wolver…mumph" I shut Jean up quickly by shoving one of Remy's socks (which he had taken off and was sat sniffing) into her overly large mouth.

"Soooo…who wants to get the fire wood?" I asked cheerfully

**The next day**

I sat staring at Wolverine's delicious smelling meal, consisting of some poor mammal that he had tracked.

"You sure you're going to eat all of that by yourself?" I asked sidling along the log on which we were sat

"Yep, it's delicious!"

I wasn't going to beg him for food…yet!

I turned to Kurt and Hank (who had been designated chief chefs for the camp).

"What have we got for dinner?"

"Bee's"

"Bee's, Bee's always bloody bees! I don't think I could stand another one" I moaned

Mel joined in "I agree, I swear the last lot we ate were alive right Kat?"

Kat looked at us her tongue swollen "I didn't tthheee anything wrong wittthhh them!"

Scott and Jean were in no need of sustainment it seems as they were always munching on each others faces, why should they want to eat anything else?

"That's it!" I got up and stomped my way to the sea 

Gambit grabbed my arm "Don't do it chere you could wipe out the whole of da sea life on earth!"

"I'll only give them a small zap, just enough to kill any in the near vicinity!"

"Don't forget, that waters a conductor!" Hank warned

"Do you want to eat or not!" I growled

Gambit walked into the sea to wash his socks and within seconds of putting the sock's in the water 3 fish floated to the surface.

"I told you your socks stank!" Jubes exclaimed triumphant.

**15 minutes later**

"This fish smell's funny!" Kat moaned holding her ear 

"Yuck it tastes gross too!" I said spitting the fish out into the sand

"Yeah it tastes of your socks man!" Jubes said throwing a glare at Gambit.

"Gambit was only tryin' to help!" The Cajun said with a shrug before throwing his fish away.

**The next morning**

"Unfortunately it is my sad duty to inform the camp that due to the protein shortage, one of the more useless member's of the group will have to be sacrificed so we might live. I want that person to know that they are doing a very noble and worthy deed!" I swept the camp with a glance, hell it wouldn't be Jean she'd be too tough and Scott would just taste nasty "Unfortunately that person is…Kat!"

Kat ran to the nearest palm tree screaming and tried to claw her way up it.

"Oh wait she light's the fire…." I thought for a moment "Sorry Mel that means it's you, unless you can convince this group of salivating judges why you should be excused!"

Mel gulped and whispered "I'm doomed" But suddenly her face lit up as she hit inspiration "Ohh, but if you burn me and eat me then my boyfriend will beat you up!"

Kurt looked up from the cook book which he had opened after he found out we was to have some fresh meat "Sorry Melly baby, you're on your own!"

"Bastard!"

"Bagsy her left buttock!" Gambit yelled

No one noticed as Scott wandered off into the distance. 

**3 hours later**

"Mel a la orange!"

"No Flambé Mel!"

"Mel a la Orange!"

"Flambé"

"A la orange!"

Hank and Kurt had been arguing in the 'kitchen' (by the small camp fire!) since it had been decided that Mel would become ham. 

At that moment the fearless leader returned arms full of chocalately goodness, I swear if that guy wasn't such a twat I would kiss him!

Everyone ran up to him grabbing the food.

"Where did you find this love?" Jean asked shoving her perfect face full of food not even bothering to unwrap it

"I got a job and they gave me some money, it's only temporary until it's time to return home!"

"What is it? I know are you a fireman?" Jean guessed

Cyclops shook his head

"A bank manager?" Was Gambit's suggestion

Again Scott shook his head

"A stripper" Jean guessed again

"Nope!"

"A superhero" Bobby Drake guessed

"You'll never guess!" He looked around proudly before announcing "I'm a drag act!"

We all stood mouth's agape, he really was fearless.

"It's always been something that I'd like to try, ever since I wore Jeans thong, so I thought what the heck!" He grinned enthusiastically. "The only problem is I got paid in advance and spent all the money on this food which should last us…"he looked around at the empty wrappers and the contented faces "…never mind! You'll have to find a way to earn money I can't support you all the time!" He said turning stern all of a sudden

"Fine!" We all said defiantly "But I bet you never say that to Jean!"

**How do they make a living find out in the next chapter!!**

**Remember to review is a pleasure you can't measure….okay so that came out wrong…but reviewing is good…well for me! Hey and you because you get more if you like it and if you throw bottles at me I'll shut up!!**


	10. A drag!

**Okay this is a really short one but I hope you enjoy anyway!! **

**Outside a hotel**

"Come and get your picture taken with big foot on vacation….and stand by the incredibly short and very angry man for just three dollars!!" I yelled in my best business voice "Dumb tourists will pay for anything!" I mumbled to Hank who was pulling his best big foot face. "Come and see the ice sculpture that never melts!" I said doing show case style arm gesture where Bobby was stood posing.

**An hour later**

"I'm sorry Wolverine but you're just not pulling in the crowds anymore!" I said wrapping him in seaweed, and then standing back to admire my handy work.

I stood him back to where Hank was doing a roaring trade.

"Come and shake hands with Yoda…for today only, come and meet Yoda!!" I yelled like a market trader, before nudging Wolverine.

"Angry I am…Kill you I will!" He said

I smiled, before spotting Kat doing a strange dance while holding a spear, was her butt on fire?

"Come and have your picture taken with a dancing cavewoman…" I looked closer "…a tap dancing cavewoman at that!"

**2 Hours later**

"The crowd's want something different." I explained to Mel "What are we going to do?" I saw Kurt walk over and an idea struck me

"Come and meet Satan in his natural habitat he's a nice fella…honest… despite rumours!!"

"I object to my boyfriend being called Satan!" Mel protested

"Mel, think a nice warm bed, cotton sheets and…" I began to whisper in her ear causing her to giggle girlishly and blush before yelling

"ROLL UP ROLL UP! HAVE YOUR PICTURE TAKEN WITH LUCIFER HIMSELF ONLY $5!"

"Welcome re entry to the dark side!" I grinned

**That evening**

"Ahhh! A Jacuzzi! Who'd have thought that we had a goldmine just sitting in front of us this whole time?" I sighed contently

"Oh there was the goldmine?" Kat asked puzzled

"No not literally, but Hank and the boy's raked a whole loada cash!" I said before looking at Jubilee and we yelled "KERCHING!" in unison

"Where's everyone else?" I asked Ev as she climbed in the Jacuzzi

"There watching Scott do his act!"

I can honestly say that I have never climbed out of a Jacuzzi quite so fast in my life.

**In the bar**

He stood there proudly in his pink stilettos and matching sequined boob tube, before he began to sing.

The whole room erupted into laughter and groans of pain as Scott began to sing, he really was tone deaf, in fact maybe he was deaf all together.

"We ought to think ourselves lucky he isn't doing a duet with Kat I suppose!" I commented to Gambit as I covered my hands over my ears

"It sounds like da cat is bein' strung up by its tail an' prodded wit' hot pokers no?" Gambit yelled over the shriek.

Wolverine it seems had reached breaking point and threw a vase at Scott's head; it really was a very good shot.

"Now why did you want to go and do that sugar?" Scott asked trying his best to copy Rogue's seductiveness (he certainly couldn't have been copying his wife's, no one else would copy her seductive skills after all, she held all the allure of a rotting carcass!).

"Because you are shit!!" Wolverine heckled

"That's my husband!" Jean said swotting at him

"I wouldn't admit to that love!" I yelled from the other side of the room

Suddenly a riot broke out, chairs where being thrown (mostly at Scott it has to be said!), glasses smashed and amid all of this Wolverine could be seen in his element bashing a few skulls together.

**Muse waves rolled up newspaper Okay review or the muse'll attack!! He really is hungry! Jabs him in ribs so he will breath in and pull his malnourished pose See!!**


	11. Choir!

**Okay a HUGE thanks to ZilentZombie for contributing the Captain Canada song to the good cause!!**

**Back on the liner**

"Okay Gambit you will be sharing a room with Bobby this time!" The Professor informed the Cajun

"Ohh Merde!"

"Oh Goody!" 

"But Professor, me and Kurt will share and then Bobby can have my room!" Mel piped up

"Don't be so stupid! That's indecent!" Scott and Jean exclaimed shocked in unison. _Yuck!_

"Scott and Jean are right" the Professor agreed

The Summers did a freaky little celebration dance

"Idiot's!" Jubes growled in their direction

**The next morning**

"What's wrong Gambit?" I asked the X-man who was wandering around like a member of the night of the living dead cast, and who was strangely wearing a baseball cap

"Dat…dat boy!?" 

"Who? Bobby?" 

"Oui! First of all he sat banging my head….but Gambit could sleep through dat, den I woke up like dis!" Gambit took off his hat and revealed the monsters handy work

Gambit's once luxurious long hair was now marred by a shaved section right down the middle.

I inhaled air quickly "It's hideous!!" I couldn't lie

"You fink dat dis is bad…it wasn't just my head dat he shaved!"

I looked at him as sympathetically as I could with out laughing "Don't worry Gumbo, hair grows back!" and with that I was gone.

I walked down to find Kat in her room, however as I approached the door I saw it was wide open and Kat was curled in a tight ball hand over ears.

"What's up?" I asked

Kat pointed to the ceiling, from where banging sounds, screams and gasps for air could be heard.

"Isn't that…?" I said worriedly

"Kurt's room!" Ev's voice came from behind me

"D'ya think that they're…"

"Undoubtedly"

Me and Ev both looked at each other, if the Summers ever found out.

We both ran up to Kurt' room and banged unceremoniously on the door, it opened surprisingly quickly considering what they were doing? And what they were doing was circus tricks, yes you heard right CIRCUS TRICKS!! Mel was being taught how to walk a tight rope, and kept falling off hence the banging, causing her to scream in frustration and Kurt to sigh exasperated. Funny how clear things become in the light of day!

**In the bar**

As Mel and Kat were still spending all of their time with their new boyfriends, Hank and Gambit were still taking their place. Today's conversation was revolving around the Institutes lookers, hell the world's lookers and mingers!

 "Well, I think that old Colossus is pretty damn fine and he's sooo tall!" I pointed out to the group all of whom nodded in agreement. "And have you seen the guy's hands, talk about swoon!"

"I agree after all tall men are always, you know, more attractive!" Jubes said taking a sip of her Malibu

Both Hank and Gambit perked up at this comment, both being taller than average.

"I wouldn't let Wolverine hear you say that!" Hank commented

"MMmmm…you know Hank, you were quite a looker in your time, not to say you ain't now but when you were our age you was a damn fine piece of real estate!" Jubes said earnestly.

"You should have told the girls in my school that! They thought I was ugly!"

"Awww bless! Hank that's really sad we would have loved you right gals!" Ev said 

 "Course we would! Those girls must have been blind and you're such a nice fella! And look at those lovely muscles who would say no?" Me and Jubes said together before giggling insanely about doing so.

"You know Gambit too was called ugly!" Remy moaned, waiting for us to tell him how good looking he was too, unfortunately he would have to wait on.

"Really! So what is your opinion on Sam Gunthrie? He can look really you know drool worthy one day then the next he look's like some kind of monster!" Ev asked 

"I think he's a monster all the time personally, I mean have you looked at his ears?" I snorted; he didn't meet my standards at all.

"You know da girls used to say dat Gambit had funny eyes!" Gambit was still fishing for a compliment

"Really! Anyway so who have you got your eye on at the moment Henry?" I asked Hank

"Well, no one in particular although I do think that Storm is a very nice specimen of a female!"

"Come on Hank you do not, I repeat _do not _refer to women as specimens! They like to feel special, sheesh no wonder your single!" Evelyn said giving him a playful tap on the arm

"Really, you know I'm rather bad with the female of the species!"

Gambit perked up "Really? Dat's Gambit speciality!"

"You know females aren't such an enigma, their just the same as every other human/mutant on the planet, all this stuff about us being complex is rubbish right?" Jubes informed him curtly as we nodded our heads in agreement.

"What so you think of Wolvie? He's got a nice body!" Jubes said leaning into the table so Wolverine wouldn't hear us from where he had just walked through the door.

"It is my opinion that Wolverine has some of the best defined muscles in the X-men and is certainly the most…er….manly of us!" Hank interjected as Gambit scowled

"And he's got nice hands and sideburns!" Ev pointed out for my benefit (she knew my feelings on hand's and sideburns!)

"Yuck! He's like really old and besides he's got such an attitude! Look at him he's so bloody cocksure!" I said glancing at him out of the corner of my eye as he strutted to the bar before pulling out a cigar. 

"I'm wit da petite wit dis one!" Gambit nodded in agreement

**An hour later**

Wolverine who had left the bar earlier had now returned and had sat at a new table. Hank sprang up from his seat and knocked Kat off of the stage unceremoniously, grabbing the microphone out of her hands.

"Ladies and Gentlemen I am proud to present the Retribution X choir singing their debut hit Captain Canada!" He had the air of Missy Elliot at the beginning of the 'Lady Marmalade' Video.

Ev and Jubes rushed onto the stage and I cowered behind them peering over Jubes shoulder from time to time as we launched into song.

_"Captain __Canada__!___

_Captain *hic* Canda!_

_He has these huge sideburns,_

_ So sometimes we call him Elvis,_

_Captain *hic* __Canada__!_

_Captain __Canada__!"___

Kat then jumped onto the stage to join in, even though she neither knew the words or the tune but hell, when did that ever stop her??

_"We heard that someone once tried to shave all his body hair,_

_Then we heard her body was buried over there! We all pointed in different directions_

_Captain **Hic** __Canada__!  
Captain __Canada__!  
He drinks alot of beer!  
Captain **Hic** __Canada__!  
Whatever you do don't drink it,  
**Hic**  
Cause He can smell your fear!  
Captain _Canada__!"____

Wolverine shot us a murderous glare before putting on that pre-beserker rage potato face._  
Captain __Canada__!  
**Hic**  
Captain __Canada__! SNICKT__  
He doesn't look to happy right now!  
We think He's about to have a cow!  
So we're going to leave now!  
*We all sang as we ran in different directions* Captain __Canada__!"_

We bolted for the door,  but alas, Kat got distracted by a shiny nickel on the floor so she was the one who faced his wrath. We heard her screams as we ran to the bottom levels of the ship, she was either singing again as a way to deter him, or she was in a lot of pain! 

**Oh this is the time where you review me!! Come on, you know you want to!**


	12. A sinking feeling!

**Sniffs This is the last chapter for this story, it's very sad… I liked writing this one! Thank you to everyone who has read to the end and an even bigger thank you to those of you who have reviewed!! **

**Outside**

I was walking across the deck with a fistful of notes before I saw Bobby and Kat talking to Xavier and Jean and shoved them into my pocket.

Flump Kat set her hands on fire and began to throw fireballs out into the ocean. I watched in horror as Kat set fire to Xavier's head 

"Argh!" Came the Professors strangled cry

Kat and Bobby sprang into action Bobby aiming ice at his head but missing and freezing Jean to the spot. Kat then began to pat the fire out, while her hands where still aflame causing the fire to spread. Eventually Kat gave up and pushed Xavier and hover chair over board.

"Charles!" Jean screamed but was unable to move due to Bobby's ice.

I heard a sigh as Scott once again jumped over board.

I began to run, hell someone had to tell the Captain to speed up and leave these dead beats behind!!

**At ****midnight******

I had to get out of my room, I was having trouble sleeping, nightmares, you know. I wandered around and saw Gambit disappear into his room, the same room Bobby Drake moments before had disappeared into.

I walked up to the door to admire the plant stood next to it (I was_ not eavesdropping…well maybe a little!)._

"Bobby will you stop bouncing on da bed?" I heard Remy shout angrily

Boing, boing boing

"Well at least bounce on your own bed!" He moaned

"_I'm sticking to you,_

_Coz I'm made out of glue,_

_Anything that you might do,_

_I'm gonna do too!"_

I heard Bobby sing while still bouncing on the bed.

"Will you stop dat?!" Gambit's voice was raised this time, irritated

"Make me!" Came Bobby's petulant reply

Oh god! I heard Remy charge his deck. "NNOOOO!!"

I yelled too late Remy had already blasted a hole in the side of the ship and came crashing out of the room as he ran down the stairs after the Iceman.

I followed in an ill fated bid to avoid further calamity. Alas before I could reach him Remy had blasted a hole in the bottom of the ship.

"We're going down!" I yelled as water began to pour in "Each man for themselves!" I yelled pushing past the other two (I had risked my life for people before and it the ends did not justify the means, please refer to Retribution X: Remy's tequila and Elvis for more information).

**An hour later**

All the occupant's of the ship watched the tub take its final plunge into the murky depths from the safety of lifeboats. All the occupants excluding a handful of us X-folk, Jean, Scott and the Professor had got on a life boat fine but they said we were too dangerous, honestly, the cheek.

I looked at Bobby and Kat who had some how managed to rescue his red dingy from the beginning of the trip and were now climbing to safety. 

"Why don't you let an old man in?" Wolverine asked sweetly (he was sinking fast thanks to his metal bones, but hey he was good at healing!)

Kat kicked him in the head "No you'll capsize us!"

Snickt Pop!

"Argh! We're sinking…again!" Bobby yelled

**4 minutes later.**

"Kat get the hell away from my face!" Wolverine growled

"But it's dry up here and Hank won't let me ride on his head anymore because I had an accident and now he says he's going to have to potty train me…again!"

"Get the hell away from my face!" Wolverine warned clawing at his head

**Meanwhile…**

"I'm drowning! I'M DROWNING! Help Help!!" Jubes yelled thrashing about in the water

"Jubes, JUBES! Calm down man you're wearing a life jacket nothing will happen to you!" Ev said floating towards her 

"Oh yeah!" Jubes said, beginning to float.

"Can't they get a room!" Ev said glancing at where Kurt and Mel where floating along side by side hand in hand.

"This is so romantic!" Mel breathed

"You know the stars bring out your beauty exquisitely!" Kurt said turning his head in the water

"Shouldn't the life boats being coming back soon?" Jubes asked

"I sure hope so!" Evelyn replied grimly 

"I mean they only rowed that far and that fast away from us because the ship would suck them under right?"

"Ummm…Jubes I really don't think that they are coming back, we can't even see them anymore they've gone so far away!" I pointed out

"We're DOOOOMMMED! DOOMED I TELL YOU!" Jubilee began to sob

"Send up a paf Jubes it could act as a flair!" Hank suggested

Jubilee accordingly did so. We all looked at Wolverine

"So can you hear anything coming to save us?"

"No the only thing I can hear are the ohhs and ahh's of the people in the lifeboats, they seem to think that you've done this just for their entertainment!" Wolverine said head leant to one side.

"IDIOTS!"

Okay so moral was ebbing, I had to come up with a way to raise the groups spirits.

"I know why don't we sing our Captain Canada theme?"

Snickt I saw a very angry and heavy man swimming slowly, but none the less menacingly, towards me.

"Jeez you'd think he'd be happy he had his own theme song! I mean you're on equal terms with Spiderman now!" I tried to calm him but for some reason it had the opposite effect. Hmmm… I was going to have to revise this whole placate the emotionally aggressive thing!

**Later….**

Kat was now laid on what appeared to be a door, and Bobby clung on to the side of it.

Bobby looked into Kat's brown eyes "Kat, look, I want you to promise me that you'll never let go, and that you'll live to be an old woman alright? Promise?"

Kat looked at him with worried brown eye's "But what if there's a freak storm and I get blown into some rock's where my arm's get bashed off, and in a freak accident I get caught under the water?..." 

Bobby paused thoughtfully "Well then I'll never let go…."

"But what if you get cramp or something?" Kat continued panicking

"Well then I'll have to let go." Bobby said solemnly

"Jesus Christ! The waves are taking us back to the beach you pair of morons!" Wolverine shouted at them fed up of listening to lovey dovey crap.

Kat turned back to Bobby and squeezed his hand "I promise!"

**Okay so that's the end! Please review my ego needs re-inflating after a nasty scrape with an angry monkey…don't worry my muse stood and watched, apparently he couldn't help me because he's in such need of reviews…hint, hint, prod, prod!**

Any way the next Retribution X fic is already done and waiting to be posted, its explains the origins of three of the characters (albeit briefly) and shows them on a real mission, its fairly serious so it's a bit different from the old style Retribution but I hope you shall all like. So until next time, we bid you good cheese dreams and farewell muse waves a sock!


End file.
